Beyond Thunderdome

We had received great service from Qantas on the flight over from Christchurch and just as we were descending into Sydney the thick clouds parted and revealed a great view of the Harbour Bridge and Opera House. The transfer was very easy and soon we were climbing through that thick blanket of cloud again and heading for South Australia.

The first face I saw as I stepped off the plane in Adelaide was that of Sir Donald Bradman, a nice welcome! Adelaide was the perfect introduction to Australia, I was much more impressed than I expected to be. Quite a flat city with a sort of sandstone hue about it, very clean and in some parts very pretty. We borrowed bicycles for free from a council project to get people cycling and made our way along the bank of the Lake Torrens river, winding through the bushes and gum trees amongst locals taking a lunchtime stroll. This ride was bookended by visiting the Adelaide Oval at the start and the Royal Botanical gardens at the end. Unfortunately we could not take a tour of the Oval due to a Foo Fighters concert but we did get the chance to wander around the Bradman collection though I suspect Monika was more excited about wandering around the botanical gardens! Two of Adelaide’s more urban attractions are the Rundle street mall and the Central market. The mall is simply the centre-piece of the downtown shopping area and was full of the usual joys of Christmas shopping whereas the market was far more exciting, rows and rows of fresh fruit and veggies, tasty bakeries, whiffy fishmongers and bloody butchers. It reminded me of Borough market on a more affordable level.

After a couple of days acclimatisation we headed straight into the Outback, driving north of Adelaide on the Stuart highway, which leads all the way to Darwin through strange places like Coober Pedy, Alice Springs and Tennant Creek. Despite the reputation of the red centre for being hot and dry we had a couple of overcast days and even a few thunderstorms. Our first stop was at Mt Remarkable national park where, on a hike through the disturbingly named Alligator gorge, we met our first kangaroo, snake and legion of irritating flies. Continuing along the Stuart we passed dozens of dead kangaroos by the roadside, no doubt many of them coming to a sticky end on the front of one of the behemoth road trains that rumble along ominously.

Coober Pedy is surrounded by mines supplying 80% of the worlds opals, and is famous for being an underground town. This probably sounds more unusual than it really is as most of the underground homes are dug into the side of hills, in a similar way to the cave houses of Cappadocia. It does mean that the town itself looks very flat from the viewpoint at the Big Winch. Although the ‘underground’ buildings, including many churches, hotels, a bar, bookshop and even a campsite, are very impressive the highlights for us were in the area around the town. First of these is the dog fence. This is a two metre high wire fence that stretches for over 5500km from the east coast, somewhere near the New South Wales/Queensland border, inland through to the north of South Australia, reaching the South Australia coast somewhere halfway along the Nullabor plain (apparently the longest fence on earth). Why? It was built to keep the dangerous dingo populations of the north away from the sheep flocks of the south. Built during the late 1800’s apparently it has worked very well, although it does mean that the emus, rabbits and kangaroos of the south are protected also, and provide competition for the sheep as regards water and pasture. The section we visited near Coober Pedy looked pretty intact but apparently wild camels have been knocking a lot of the remote sections down. The actual fence is fairly mundane compared with the bizarre story behind it. Far from mundane is the landscape that the fence passes through, known as the Moon plain due to its otherworldly appearance. This area has been used as a location for many apocalyptic and sci-fi films such as Mad Max and Pitch Black, a spaceship from the latter has crash landed outside a hotel in town! The centre-piece of the plain is the Breakaways Reserve, unbelievable scenery of rocky outcrops and hills in a spectrum of Martian shades.

We had to make an unscheduled trip back to Adelaide due to a cracked windscreen but we made up for that by visiting Vili’s pie cafe. Across South Australia one thing you are bound to find in even the most fly-blown of outback stations is a shop selling Vili’s pies and in Adelaide there is a cafe at the factory which seems to be perpetually packed, so much so it has to open 24 hours a day to satisfy demand! Their signature dish is the Pie Floater, a meat pie drowned in a stew that tastes just like my Nans pea soup with a large dollop of ketchup on top. I have always wanted to try one since hearing Mark Little describe them on the Big Breakfast a couple of decades ago! It was worth the wait. We thought that the seaside suburb of Glenelg would be a good place to walk off such a feast but when we got there we found it lined with packed bars and clubs and with police stopping every car on the way in. We didn’t stay long and instead made our way back up north to Flinders Ranges national park. We had been recommended the Flinders by many people as one of the most beautiful places in Australia and perfect for a few days trekking. With such expectations the reality was always going to be slightly disappointing but the walks around Wilpena Pound were still quite enjoyable, especially the 20km trek over Tanderra saddle (we didn’t climb to St Marys peak as it is apparently a place of significance for the local aboriginal tribe).

Somehow walking in Australia feels harder than anywhere else, the heat is debilitating so we rewarded ourselves with a tour through the Barossa valley, probably Australia’s most famous wine region. We visited a handful of cellar doors, the highlight of which was probably Murray Street Vineyards, and also the famous Maggie Beer farm shop. We had never heard of Maggie Beer but a few Australians had recommended us to visit her farm shop as she is some sort of Australian celebrity chef. Going by the tasty samples at her shop I can see why, the tomato and sultana chutney being a particular favourite.

Continuing towards Melbourne we passed through the coastal Coorong national park full of sea shanties, fishing villages, beaches, sand dunes and lots of birds, including giant squadrons of pelicans flying over in bomber formation. Further inland is one of Australia’s world heritage sites, the Naracoorte caves which contain dinosaur fossils, although we decided to visit the local open air swimming ‘lake’ instead saving our cave exploration for the Tatanoola caves which although they have no fossils are beautifully adorned with giant stalactites and stalagmites creating a fairytale scene. Also close by is the Coonawarra wine region, famous for its Cabernet Sauvignon, again we visited a few cellar doors with the most impressive being Katnook Estate where we picked up a bottle of sparkling Shiraz for Christmas.

Back on the coast for the final drive through into Victoria we stopped in Canunda national park, at the fishing town of Southend-on-sea. Totally incomparable with the other Southend, this is a stunning park of brilliant blue sea, sandy beaches and rainbow coloured rocks, with walking trails winding their way in between. Further along the town of Mt. Gambier is South Australias second largest city and the home of a few attractions itself, the Umpherstone sinkhole and the Blue lakes, both rather self-explanatory, and the nearby Picanninie ponds. These are touted as one of the worlds best fresh-water snorkelling sites although we were unable to find out due to the requirement of a full length wet-suit, which we don’t have in our backpacks. In any case they are a rather underwhelming site, looking something like Ranworth broad in all honesty.

Our first stops in Victoria were the pleasant towns of Nelson, Portland and Port Fairy, the latter having tiny Griffith island attached by a boardwalk, perfect for some afternoon wallaby spotting. Port Fairy is also more or less the start of the Great Ocean Road, the world famous driving tour. In shock at the sheer number of tourists we made our way past the various scenic spots such as London Bridge, the Loch Ard gorge, and the famous Twelve Apostles of the first half of the drive, and then the coastal towns and surf beaches of the second half including Bells Beach (supposedly the beach where Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze met at the end of Point Break. We also stumbled across bunches of cute koala bears in the trees around Cape Otway. The Great Ocean road ends up in the coastal town of Geelong, a nice enough place, before the road follows the coast of Port Philip Bay round to Melbourne.

We just passed through Melbourne on the way down to Wilsons Promontory, the national park popular with holidaying Victorians getting away for Christmas. Luckily there is a 450+ site campground at Tidal River, the main centre. It is popular due to the combination of powdery beaches and turquoise sea with great walking and wildlife, including wombats just wandering around the camp. Unfortunately the whole park suffered horrific flooding in March this year, destroying most of the roads and bush camps, cutting the Prom off from the mainland necessitating helicopter evacuations and meaning the park was closed off for a while. The northern half is now open again but the south remains closed. This unfortunately means the three-night Great Prom walk is also off-limits but we made do with stringing together some of the shorter walks to make a couple of full day hikes before we left the park, just as the legions of Christmas visitors were swarming into the park.

On the way back to Melbourne we stopped off at Philip Island, popular for its nightly penguin visits which sadly have become a tourist trap similar to that of Oamaru in New Zealand. I just don’t see the attraction of viewing penguins from some sort of grandstand with a couple of hundred other people. The rest of the island reminded me of a resort in Florida or South Africa, shops selling beach clothes and beer, wall to wall faceless restaurants and bars and a twee local newspaper keeping everyone informed of the latest gossip. We didn’t stay long, preferring to make our way slowly up the Mornington peninsular back to Melbourne, stopping at beaches for a BBQ or a swim.

Now we are back in Melbourne, just in time for Christmas and cricket. It has been weird seeing Santa dressed in shorts but we are just about ready. Unfortunately the Australian government and media chose this week to expose a really ugly, racist side. You may have seen in the news the shocking story of the boat that capsized on the way to Australia, packed with hundreds of people fleeing oppressive regimes and risking their lives for the chance of something better. Sadly many people lost their lives and others are lying in hospital but instead of focusing on peace and goodwill to all men in the festive season the Australian response has been to condemn those who died, complain that the border policy is not strong enough here and to react in such a way as to leave one wandering whether the country had just been taken over by a rogue bunch of Daily Mail readers. Such a shame.

On a similarly sombre note I would just like to mention how sad it was to hear of the passing of Vaclav Havel. A shining light for peace and freedom and someone who is thought of alongside Nelson Mandela as a symbol of the triumph of democracy over tyranny and dictatorship.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Vesele Vanoce a stastny novy rok

Gledileg Jol.

zbytek jizniho ostrova

Tak uz mame zabaleno a zitra opoustime Zeland, letime se ohrat do Australie. Jeste v rychlosti, jakej byl zbytek jizniho ostrova. No samozrejme krasnej, pocasi se jen lepsilo, az uz je skoro leto. Zapadni pobrezi od ledovcu nahoru je docela divocina a za asi 5 hodin jizdy jsme potkali asi 6 aut a konecne ziveho possuma (vacice australska) tady velka skodna a clovek jich vidi nekolik denne, ale jen rozjetych na silnicich. V Greymounthu jsme si dali fish&chips, coz je tady hodne popularni a i levne a troche nam doprali hranolek.

Rano jsme si dali denni vyslap v narodnim parku Nelson Lakes a jen jsme doufali, ze tak krasny pocasi nam zustane na narodni park Abel Tasman.

V planu byl jeden den chuze, zakempovat na plaza v Bark Bay a rano navrat, ale po ceste se plany zmenili a Allan se vratil pro auto sam a my pokracovali do Totanarui, kam Allan pozdeji dojel i s vychlazenejma pivkama. Krasnej vylet, cesta byla z plaze na plaz, jedna krasnejsi nez druha. Treti den v Totanarui jsme stravili celej den na plaza a byla i koupacka.

V Nelsonu jsme si sli zaplavat a v kempu jsme si udelali vanocni veceri, Pavel nam uvaril dobrotu a my jsme popijeli mistni Savignon Blanc, byli jsme tam trochu za magory:)

Nenechali jsme si ujit ochutnavku vin v oblasti Malborough, navstivili jsme 3 vinice a jeden pivovar na zaver, Allan ridil a tak ochutnaval, ale vyplivaval, Pavlovi vino nechutna, ale my s Lenkou jsme si to uzili.

Se zastavkou v Kaikoure jsme dojeli do Christchurche, kde jsme se museli rozloucit s Lenkou a Pavlem, kterym to akorat letelo pres Seoul domu. V Christchurchi ten den akorat otevreli centrum verejnosti, po skoro roce od zemetreseni. My jsme jeste meli tyden, pokracovali jsme pobrezim Otaga, v Dunedinu jsme si vybehli nejprudsi silnici na svete a na plaza na nas necekane vybehl lachtan.

Posledni 2 dni jsme stravili na nadherene plaza jizne od Owaky, Purakaunui Bay. 15 km po sterku a co by se nam nestalo na zaver. Druhy den Allan chtel otevrit okenku v aute a nechal klicky otoceny v zapalovani a pri veceri jsme zjistili, ze mame uplne prazdnou baterku v aute, automat se neda jen tak roztlacit a nebyl tam signal a baterku v telefonu jsme meli na posledni carce. Takze proste zapeklita situace:) ale byl;o to tam krasny, akorat jsme meli jen list pitne vody a nic k jidlu.

Francouzky par odvezl allana do Owaky, kde allan zavolal AA, ti prijeli do hodky, ale allan nikde, tak jsem dojela do vesnice a allan pored nikde, stopnul po ceste nejakyho cinskyho turistu a stratili se. No asi po hodine jsme se nasli a vsechno dobre dopadlo. A uz jsme zpet v Christchurchi, dneska rano jsme vratili auto a zitra letime.

Jeste jako dodatek, co jsme si opravdu uzivali na Zelandu:

Ukecany, pratelsky kiwaky

Real fruit ice cream

Kafe- Flat White

A korejske instantni polevky Nong Shim- Shin Ramyun

A samozrejme tu prekrasnou prirodu

A kiwackou ujetost na postovni schranky

Mejte se krasne a priste z Australie

The Bone People

We crossed over from the North Island to the South Island in the middle of the night and snuck off to camp just south of the port. We drove south along the coast the next day, a first glimpse of the kitsch postcard scenery of the South island - snowy mountains crashing into bright blue sea, teeming with seals.





In Kaikoura we picked up Pavel, he had flown into Christchurch and hitched up the coast the day before, not being given as much annual leave as Lenka! They took a whale watching tour the next day in rough seas, spotting a sperm whale, whilst Monika and I kept our sealife exploration firmly onshore, as we all devoured whole crayfish by the sea, a New Zealand speciality. The next day on our journey south towards Tekapo I enjoyed another Kiwi speciality – roast lamb. It was just like at home with roast potatoes, veggies, gravy and even mint sauce, the only difference was the pumpkin in place of a Yorkshire pudding.



Our main reason for visiting New Zealand was for trekking, and as we had only managed two days on the North island we made a beeline south to kickstart a sequence of 15 days trekking in 18 days, although most of the treks were short half day treks, meaning we had time to go swimming as well! The first stop was the turquoise Lake Tekapo, with the Southern Alps in the background. We arrived to blue skies but the next day woke to 10cm of snow outside our tent and due to the intermittent blizzard our climb of Mt. John did not reveal the view of Mt. Cook we hoped for. We did get to see one of the Asian honeymoon couples that bring their wedding clothes to the Lake to have more photos taken though, which was a strange sight. Arriving in Mt Cook village later that day the 10cm threatened to become a metre or two as we were forced out of our tents and into a hostel. The weather had cleared by the morning and Pavel and I went out to photograph Mt Cook, shivering in the early morning. It was not until we returned and defrosted that we realised we had been photographing Mt Sefton instead! Luckily we found the real Mt Cook at the end of a trail and then took a three hour climb through the snow to a lookout from where we could see New Zealand’s highest peak towering over Hooker and Tasman glaciers. To admire the views in more comfort we headed back to the warmth of the brilliant Sir Edmund Hillary centre. Things got strange again on a climb up a small peak overlooking Lakes Wanaka and Hawea with views over the northern face of Mt Aspiring national park. At the summit we met a woman trekking with four pillows which she was photographing! No weird scenes on the eight-hour trek up and down Ben Lomond near Queenstown though, apart from a bunch of under-prepared Brit backpackers in flip-flops, just sublime views of the southern face of the same mountains in the Mt. Aspiring range. Personally this was my favourite trek of all that we did. Just a one day walk starting at Moke Lake on one side of the mountain and descending into Queenstown on the other side but the weather was amazing, the 360 lake and mountain panorama from the top was awe-inspiring and the trek was demanding enough to really get the endorphins flowing. Monika and I had failed to reach the summit of the original Ben Lomond in Scotland earlier in the year due to awful weather but we managed this one, and we could see the other Ben Nevis from the top as well!

Queenstown is probably the most well-known adventure sports centre in the world, with people paying a lot of money to jump off of bridges, careen down wild water rivers or be rocket propelled over a gorge and other such treats. Our indulgence was a massive Fergburger after the trek, big, juicy, tasty and up there with Byron and Captain A’s in my top 5 list of burgers.

We headed further south to Te Anau, in Fiordland, and from there along to Milford Sound, billed as one of the most beautiful places in the world. Despite the perfect weather a claim like that is always going to be hard to live up to and I must admit to feeling slightly underwhelmed on the cruise around the Sound, even when we ventured out into the open waters of the Tasman sea. Still, it was a nice enough way to spend a rest day and we did get to see some Kea, the alpine parrot native to New Zealand as well as the diminutive Fiordland Crested penguin.

We had bookings for campsites on two of New Zealands “Great Walks” – the ‘Routeburn’ and ‘Kepler’ tracks but both of these were closed due to avalanches and our two contingency plans – Mt Gillespie and French Hut in Mt. Aspiring national park were closed as well. Instead we walked the Greenstone and Caples tracks, which are in the same mountains as the Routeburn (the ‘Ailsas’ which separate Queenstown from Milford) but a bit lower, meaning they were mostly muddy rather than under a few feet of snow! In hindsight I think we were lucky as we had most of the trek to ourselves, especially the day we took a side trip up to the seldom travelled Steele Creek saddle which separates Greenstone and Caples valleys. From the saddle we could see both sides of the mountains we had been circumnavigating. It was also interesting seeing the forest change as we walked along, from rainforest to alpine forest, jungle to pasture to tussock. This was even more apparent as we crossed over the second pass, the McKellar saddle, and at the treeline one could be forgiven for mistaking the scenery as straight from a Greek island, just the snowy mountain backdrop giving it away! By the time we left Routeburn had already re-opened and we passed the queue of trekkers on their way up, re-inforcing the feeling that we were lucky our plans were changed.

We relocated again to continue the trekking on the West coast, often dubbed Wet coast for reasons which became apparent as we arrived to torrential rain. But again it cleared up for us, giving us views of Fox and Franz Josef glaciers with Mt Cook and Mt Tasman behind. Perhaps the best view being the reflection in Lake Murchison taken as we circled the lake. Just south of Fox glacier is the Copland Valley, an old trade route over the mountain into Mt Cook village. We followed this track for about six hours from the main road, negotiating river crossings, landslides, roots and branches and the dreaded swing-bridges (not for those with even a slight fear of heights). Why? Because at the Welcome Flats camp are natural hot springs, surely the best pay-off for any trek ever? They are striking enough to be worth the trek just to see them, to be able to soak your weary bones in them all evening felt like daylight robbery!

The West coast is very sparsely populated and is probably where New Zealands famous Sheep:People ratio is most obvious (at the last count there were 8 sheep per person, down from around 22 a few years ago!). It is a very scenic drive though, especially the stretch between Greymouth and Westport with the peculiar Pancake rocks by the side of the road. Driving in New Zealand is really very enjoyable even if you do find some unusual situations such as a railway going through a roundabout or (even better) a railway going through a one-way tunnel, or even a road being driven under an arch made by two giant rocks. There is one strange rule when driving in New Zealand, the give way to the right rule is taken to the extreme, meaning that half the time no-one knows who has right of way, but that doesn’t really matter because there are hardly any cars on the roads and all the drivers here seem to be really considerate whenever there is any confusion. The roads are littered with squashed possums though, a highly unpopular species introduced from Australia that spend all night chewing their way through the New Zealand forests. It seems to me that if the locals see a possum at night they aim for it, it’s the only way to explain the sheer number of carcasses on the highways. One of the strangest experiences related to driving in New Zealand however is listening to the radio here. Similar to regional commercial stations in the UK but here the advertising has hit a new lpw. The first time I heard “Want to re-discover good erections? Call the doctors on...” or “Premature ejaculation, problems getting an erection, call 0800 LONGER...” I found it funny at first but after the 15^th time that day I started to wonder what is going on with Kiwi guys!

The most lucrative business in New Zealand must be campervan rental companies. There are dozens of companies, from the beat up, wildly painted Wicked and Escape campers to the new style people carrier campers from Spaceships and Jucy right up to the big luxury vans from Apollo and Maui. These vans easily outnumber any other vehicle on the road, and we are not even in the high season yet! I feel sorry for hoteliers in New Zealand and now I can see why the government has banned free camping in most areas!

Just inland from the West coast is Nelson Lakes national park, another wilderness area with perfect hiking opportunities, the climb up Mt Robert worth it for the views over Lake Rotoiti in particular. The finale of all this trekking was the famous Abel Tasman coastal track, an easy, but quite long walk between pristine beaches and bays on the north coast. New Zealand’s most popular ‘tramp’ and it is easy to see why. The photos look even better as the water was too cold for most people to go swimming in!

All of these treks were possible due to the DOC (Department of Conservation). It is an amazing government office which protects around ⅓ of all land in New Zealand, everywhere you see the green and yellow DOC signs. They also raise public awareness on all sorts of issues, especially those relating to bio-security such as possums and didymo. There are DOC campsites all over New Zealand, over 200 of them, most of them pretty basic but ranging in cost from many free ones up to around NZ$8 per night. They are normally in the arse-end of nowhere but then again, that is precisely where a lot of people want to be! There are centres in most towns which are a wealth of information for the local area – walks and other activities that are available. Unfortunately this is where DOC lets itself down a little bit. The staff in these centres often seen dangerously uninformed, reading the weather from a sheet and not offering any personal insight into the conditions on the tracks, one couldn’t even tell us which way the river was flowing! Other than that I think DOC is great and wonder why other countries do not invest more money in the outdoors and wildlife.

After all the trekking we rewarded ourselves with two days on the beach at Totoranui, a popular campsite at the end of the Abel Tasman track before stopping for an early Christmas dinner inNelson as Lenka and Pavel were leaving a few days later and we wanted to celebrate together. We then visited three vineyards in Marlborough and I can highly recommend them all – Highfield with its viewing tower, Brancott’s brand new cellar door just built for the Rugby World Cup, and Allan Scott wines with their beautiful setting and extrovert guide. All produce delicious Sauvignon Blanc, the local speciality, and some of them even leave the grapes on for longer for their late harvest Sauvignon Blanc, very sweet, a lower alcohol count and apparently popular with locals who pour it over ice cream! Less impressive are the reds - weak, smoky Pinot Noir’s which leave you pining for a rich Australian Shiraz.

We bade Lenka and Pavel a safe trip home at Christchurch airport and Monika and I drove into the city centre. We had the dubious pleasure of being there on the first day that they opened a walkway to view the Cathedral square since the earthquake. It was quite a morbid feeling to be walking alongside people who are getting their first glimpses of their old offices and shops that are now damaged beyond repair and perhaps even where friends or family may have died. More positive was witnessing how Christchurch has rebuilt itself. Although the centre is still in the destruction phase they have now opened a shopping mall just outside the red zone made entirely from shipping containers. It is a remarkable sight and, judging by the crowds when we were there, is encouraging people to venture back into the centre. In my total naivety I just assumed that they would be well on the way to re-construction by now, it is not until you see the scope of the earthquake first hand that you realise it will take many years yet. Just a week or so ago a new batch of buildings were condemned when the land they were built on was found to have become unsafe for re-building. Many buildings look unscathed but when you notice minor details such as a crack in a wall or even a ridge in the pavement outside that you realise the total structural damage that occurred.

Quite overwhelmed we continued down to coastal Otago to spend our last week in New Zealand, stopping off along the way at the weird town of Oamaru with its ‘historical harbour area’ complete with people wandering around in period costume and one guy with a fake parrot on his shoulder. We also spent a bit of time at the Moeraki boulders, strange globular rocks on the beach at Moeraki. By now it was apparent that high season is definitely on the way, with big Aussie guys in Hawaiian shirts and skinny Japanese girls making peace symbols in the background of my photos and the dreaded Contiki and Kiwi Experience coaches in the car park!

In Dunedin the highlight for us was Baldwin Street, the world’s steepest street, although others prefer the Cadbury’s factory, the Speights Brewery or just the student atmosphere around the bars of the Octagon. Out on the Otago peninsular most people stump up the cash for albatross or penguin tours or to visit Larnach castle. Monika and I wanted to climb Mt. Charles instead but couldn’t find the owner to get permission so took a walk along Allans Beach and were visited by a sea-lion coolly wandering out of the waves. Now we know the difference between seals and sea-lions. We felt sorry for the seals around Kaikoura who seemed to find moving around on land very difficult, whereas this sea-lion walked out on all fours, and looked ready to make a run at us!

We finished our New Zealand trekking along the Catlins River walk, south of Dunedin before relaxing on Purakaunui beach for a couple of days. We stopped off in Dunedin again to swim at the outdoor pool at St. Clairs beach on the way back to Christchurch and took one last walk at Trotters Gorge, climbing up to a viewpoint with Clementine and Francois, a lovely French couple we met in the campsite there.

So we leave New Zealand just as the Christmas season is taking hold. It already feels weird to hear people talking about getting a tan for Christmas, or losing weight for Christmas (so they look good in their bikinis, that was another of the radio adverts) but some things are the same as anywhere else. We visited a shopping mall the other day and witnessed total carnage, every farmer and his mullet-clad son coming to the big city for Christmas shopping!

The last thing I want to say about New Zealand is that they have the worst toilet paper of anywhere in the world, or anywhere that uses it anyway! OK, I am no Rabelais used to goose feather but here the paper snags on the dispenser, the sheets split between perforations or rip to shreds, or just when you think you have got it right they twist up in your hands. When you do finally put them to use they then stick fast to your hands, making it very difficult to get them off again.